2025

As we close out 2025 and bring in the new year its time to take a moment and reflect on the year that has been. Looking at various social media platforms it appears that many found 2025 to be a difficult year. The difficulties ranged from different levels and perspectives. Many found struggles came in different ways. However even in the storms of the year many still found light and hope. Hope of calmer waters and sunny days ahead, regardless we still found a way to wake up every day and survive.

2025 was particularly one of the worst years I have had and can remember to date, it wasn’t all doom and gloom, but I did find myself in a unforeseen season of life, struggling and in a rut for majority of the year. While it started out the same as any other year, much to my benightedness a storm was brewing. As January progressed the clouds begin to darken as doubt and question begin to sit it. As the thunder begin to roll, it was soon to be determined that this storm would be attacking my home front and my marriage. Monday February 10^th the “ball of yarn” fell off the countertop and begin to unravel. What led next was a couple months of me being in full blown damage control. It was apparent that my marriage was falling apart, and Caroline was rather unhappy. I had tons of questions with very little answers, I thought “we can fix this” “lets do this” although I was positive about the situation, it was apparent that Caroline was very indifferent and it appears that her mind had been made up and her decision was made. I was optimistic but also angry, angry in the fact that she had suffered in silence and came to this decision on her on. I will digress for now as this is not intended to be hurtful or ugly towards Caroline. After all, we’re human and things happen. As much effort as I put into it and tried, the inevitable came to pass. Caroline begin packing her things and moved out on May 19^th 2025. In the 3 months that had passed a lot of things was reviled and brought to light. Some rather hurtful and damaging things had taken place, and it was clear to me that there was some holes in the “ship” that had been there for some time. I’m not going to go into more detail as many of those things are very personal. I fell like I had to say all of that to lead to the meat of this writing.

As this storm continued there are some things that I did positive this year. While the enemy will want me to feel that the majority of 2025 was being stalemate and that no personal or positive growth was being made. That was quite the opposite!

1. I dove back into my faith and relationship with Christ, while I feel a lil guilty with this because this is something that we should never drift away from. The conviction and guilt come from me using a season such as this to step back closer to God. Kinda feeling like “I’m only doing this because I’m in a time of need and despair. However, we are human, and life gets busy, while its not ideal. God is okay with that; I have often believed that bad things happen to good people or that we go through tough seasons of life with the intent that we grow closer to God from them. I can elaborate on that more at another time. During this time, I realized that it is very important that we praise and honor God on the cloudy and stormy days just like we do on the calm and sunny days. It’s very easy and common to say “God is good” on the days we win, whether that be a promotion at work, winning a sports game, a fishing tournament, harvesting your target buck etc. While God loves that, I learned that he wants us to have the same energy and praise on the dark days. Mercy Me has a song out called “Even If” piggy backing off the classic “it is well” meaning that God you can move mountains and heal the sick however if you don’t then it’s okay, I will praise you the same. While I still fall short every day, I am striving to be better with this and have a closer walk and relationship.

• I found a therapist and started therapy, not only did I start but I stayed with it throughout the year. Learning so much about myself and others. While Caroline finally joined me for a few sessions, as mentioned above her heart was set and mind was made. There were positive things that came from those few sessions. Some questions were answered, and things was brought to light. After Caroline moved out, I continued to see my therapist, we continued to unpack the current season of life as well as other things. I learned a lot about myself and my communication style. I learned that I have an “anxious attachment” style. While initially I was on the offensive side of this and felt like it was something I must change about myself to be successful in things such as personal relationships, marriage and day to day life. Then my mind shifted to the defensive side of it and realized that this is just a part of who I am. While yes, I can make a few things different, this is just with me. This was given to me with out me knowing it. Awareness is key and learning each other’s styles is helpful to prevent miss communication or failures in the future. The more I dove into this the more I saw it in my day-to-day life and can connect dots back in my past of how it came to be. I have continued therapy throughout the majority of the year, and it has been a big step in personal growth through the year.

• Since May I learned to do life solo again, I learned how to live alone in a home again. While there have been many lonely feelings and nights in a quite home, it’s been a process. Coming home to an empty quiet house is not as simple or pleasing as it sounds. Sure its nice a couple times but over time it gets lonely. With Caroline moving out that also meant the cats went with her. That was another void to fill, after much back and forth, early in December I welcomed Maple into the home. She is a calico kitten with a split colored face, half orange half brown/grey. Maple is already loved dearly and is always excited to see me when I come home.

• This year I learned a lot more about boundaries and how to set them. Not only personal and healthy boundaries with myself but how to set them for other people. How to draw a line and not allow people to overreach. How to say NO when you want to say Yes, even with the people who are the closest to you.  Setting healthy boundaries and knowing its more then ok to put yourself first. Setting boundaries is not always easy but it helps create a stronger and better you in the long fun.

• Awareness of the ruts of the year and season of depression. Like with any storm of life comes ruts, my therapist stated that I am also in a season of grieving. There was a lot of times this year that I just wanted to quit and give up, that I couldn’t see myself getting of of bed. Prior to this spring it had been almost 3 years since I took a sick day at work. This year I found myself taking 3 sick days all for mental health. I felt bad initially for that, but those days was spent in the positive of my mind and just taking care of myself. Many days I did not feel well, however I put my worries and doubts aside and came to work and fixed other people’s problems for 12 hours then tending to mine when I got back home. I spent a lot of time in these ruts this year. A lot of time praying for peace and calmness in the middle of the chaos this year brought. A lot of quiet lonely nights, a lot of tears etc etc. If you asked me in May how the year was going, I would tell you one thing, then ask me again in October and I would say “shew its been a lot of valleys with a couple of hills” However, I did not let the ruts win. I continued to pull myself up and out of them and keep going, sometimes it might only be for a few hours, however I made progress as I went. Being aware of that kept me in a good direction. Caroline and I kept contact back and forth for a good while, however mid-October I told her that I was stepping back and choosing peace. Choosing peace over the chaos that this year has brought. As the year ended, I found myself in a good spot, keeping myself out of the mental ruts that this year has brought.

• Friends, I like to think of myself as a likeable person and I mean that in the most modest way possible. While I have a lot of friends many of them are more like acquaintances. However, I have several friends that have shown up for me this past year in ways they may not even know about. I am often hesitant to ask for help esp in the form of prayers from others. I’ve learned that if you put out the “pray for me” post on social platforms then you’re going to get a lot of responses. I feel like a small percentage actually stop and do what you ask or will continue same. So late one Saturday morning in late February. I sent out a text to 5 or 6 close friends. Ones that I knew would stop what they was doing and pray, they would pray and not ask for any context of the situation. It was a simple “Hey I’ve found myself in an unusual season of life, will you pray for us and keep us in your prayers” most of these I followed up with later in person and gave them context. 10 months later several of these do occasional check ins with me and let me know they’re still praying for me. While this is not the only friends that have shown up. The ones I have chosen to share details with are the ones who have done the most. Each of them showing up in different ways yet meeting the simple needs that I have in different ways. I am and forever will be grateful for these friends and I hope that I am able to be there for them in a time of need. This season of life was not meant to be done alone.

• Self-Care, I work in a career where I care for others on the daily. In my current role and position that can look a little differently. One minute I’m on the truck caring for the sick and critically and often non critically ill. The next I’m caring for the employees on my shift and the things that fall under my purview. I say that to say this, its easy to get lost in caring for others and not taking care of yourself. I was able to continue to find ways this year to do self-care. Many that know me know that I love the phrase “Adventure awaits” each year I’m always looking for ways to seek out adventure. Either a simple day trip or a multi-state 2-week trip. Once the writing on the wall was clear, I booked a 11-day wild west trip. I flew into Salt Lake rented a van and hit the road. Traveling through Utah, Wyoming, Montana and Idaho. Headed as far north as the Canadian border with a few nights in Glacier NP, hitting Teton and Yellowstone NPs along the way. Several days spent away from a cell signal and just doing some hiking and self-reflecting. I was able to find myself again doing this trip, stepping away from the chaos the year had been so far. I came home with a refreshed mind and hope for good days ahead. While this carried throughout most of the rest of the year. I did find myself slipping into some ruts here and there.  A few more adventures were had thorough the rest of the year. Including a successful “long trip” as we call it to Ohio for our annual “rutcation”. I got lucky and was able to harvest my best buck to date and with a bow at that. Something that had been a long time coming. This year I found it even more important to do self-care and step away from the chaos of day-to-day life on occasion.

These are just a few ways I grew in a positive way this year. In a season of life that had a lot of uncertainty and cloudy days, I was able to find pockets of sunshine along the way. These pockets of sunshine and seeking them out was very important part of surviving this year and this season of life. While I’m still in this season of life there are positive things ahead. I am looking forward to 2026 and what it might bring. There is sure to be some more valleys along the way, but we know those are only temporary. There is plenty of adventure that awaits ahead. Just like with anything else this has been a season of life and this to shall pass. I continue to strengthen my relationship with God and dive into my daily prayer life. 2025 was a year of brokenness, vulnerability and grief. Looking forward to sunny days ahead. I’m trying to not worry about to much ahead and just be present in the moment.

If you found 2025 to be hard to survive, I recommend the following. Find a non-bias third party to talk with. Whether it be a therapist or a counselor of sorts, sure it can be costly. Many of them are covered through insurance or partially through employment EAP programs. Stick with it, you’ll be surprised at how much you can learn about yourself and how strong you are.

If you’re a spiritual person or one of faith, turn to that. I have helped me in the darkest of days.

Setting boundaries and self-awareness. There are some good reads out there on how to help with these.

Rely on your friends to get you through, no one should do tough times alone.

Self-care, find ways to take time away from the chaos and invest in yourself.

I’m optimistic that 2026 can be a great year if we allow it, you just got to show up and do your part.

Happy New Year

-Kyle Kiziah